Song of the moment: Fighter Christina Aguilera
First of all, my so-called "break" from the Internet is complete bullshit. I've been signing on every other day and checking my messages at MySpace/other lame websites. I've just been too scared write on this thing and post up another lame "So this is what happened today..." post. I haven't been writing
real entries for two reasons:
1. I'm too lazy to come up with something witty and funny to talk about.
2. I've been fighting through an excruciating writer's block for a few months now and I've been afraid to write anything insightfull and have the end result be complete SHIT.
Call it truth, call it a phobia, but I've been noticing how my writing skills are slowly deteriorating because of this. But you know what? Screw that shit. I'm going to write whatever I want to write about and attempt to polish my rusted skills until it shimmers like silver once again.
Before I write anything else, however, I would like to re-post an old entry from a little over a year ago. I wrote about this exact same thing, and when I read over it, I felt the same feelings I once did when I was writing it. Here it is:
Friday, October 24, 2003
I lost touch with my true self.
It’s sickening to think what my Blogger has become. Mindless, mainstream bullshit, day in and day out. People ask me why I have deleted my previous posts for the past week. I ask myself why the fuck I posted that shit in the first place.
I remember the last time I opened the box of puzzle pieces, trying each and every combination to find the one that fits. In contrast to my writing, I spent my time, intricately piecing together each word in such a way that the former word, would complement the latter, creating an almost harmonious beat; a steady flow to my writing, unwavering in its strength and longevity. Trying each and every combination to find the one that fits, slowly unveiling the labryinth
Piecing together letters, creating a word, and building up those words to create a sentence, and those sentences to voice my thoughts out to the world. It seems like an eternity since that lapse of creative talent was tapped.
I noticed a growing trend in my posts - more specifically, referring to the time interval between each succeeding post. Characteristics that take a life of their own, accompanied by long lapse of silence and lack of creative ideas, or the feeling that this isn’t ‘post worthy’.
It hit me with much dismay. Perhaps my ‘skills’ as a writer is nothing but a temporary euphoria - a momentary lapse of creativity that is never constant, incapturable at best. A frightening ordeal that prompted me to lay my pen down to rest, only to feel its unusually cold surface in later uses.
Then it hit me. It came to me in a place where my mind can rationalize thoughts and idea to the utmost degree, where my usual state of consciousness could only dream to fathom. It came to me somewhere between my conscious mind and my fantasy world, where I can scale any mountain, overcome any obstacle and ponder the deepest objectives. Oddly enough, my most creative period of time is right before I fall asleep.
Chalk it up to perfectionist. An urge, almost the need to be creative, innovative and original. It's the desire to not repeat ones self, but to cultivate your thoughts into an ever-lasting creative renaissance.
I have slayed the ultimate enemy… myself.
That is probably one of my favorite posts of all time. I love to go back to my archives and read over my life... as said by me. At times, I feel as if I'm reading over someone else's life and experiences. As if these words that I once wrote with undeniable passion and vehement awareness of the beauty and ugliness of the world around me is taking place right in front of me. Like a television screen, all I can do is watch it happen and be completely helpless to do anything to change it.
Anyways, back to my 'yet-to-be mentioned' original topic.
I had the craziest time with my friends Robin and Alexis yesterday. Our roguish day started with me, waiting for the two bitches at the cafe on the second floor of Borders, impatiently sipping my medium-sized cup of mocha. I kept looking at the entrance, hoping for the two stooges to come walking in the door when I made an exasperated gesture with my hand. The next thing I knew, my mocha was all over my WHITE jacket and my favorite pink plaid dress.
"Holy mother fucking shit, you've GOTTA be kidding me." I said to myself in a loud, yet inconspicuous whisper. I then ran over to the counter and asked for a wet rag to dry off the results of my clumsiness.
The minute I stopped drying my dress, Robin and Alexis entered the store and gestured for me to go downstairs and begin our mischievous day. I then childishly gestured for them to come up to where I was so I could start complaining about my ruined outfit, but gave in to their laziness and walked down the stairs to where they were. Between a wall of self-help books, I had already started my whining before even reaching them. They laughed at my misdemeanor towards my poor white jacket, as we exited the store.
I made them come with my to Coldstone so I could pick up my paycheck, along with my tips from the day before. After that, we went to El Palomar and ate carne asada burritos with chips and salsa.
Robin didn't trust the dirty bathrooms at El Palomar (wonder why) so she held it in.... FOR THREE HOURS.
So after filling our stomachs up with good Mexican foodness, I dragged the two girls to Wells Fargo so I could cash my paycheck---
$210.37---if you included my tips with my paycheck, it would be over $300. YAYUH. Anywho, we got to Wells Fargo just in time because the ren-a-cop security guy locked the doors as we entered the bank. My first thought was that they thought the three of us were going to attempt to rob the bank, thus the strategic move of locking the doors. Just kidding. The teller kept asking me if I wanted to open a checking account, but when I told her I was still 17, she shut the hell up and gave me my money.
After that, we walked on over to the Riverside Twins cinema and flipped a coin on what we were going to watch: Heads for
Phantom of the Opera, and tales for
Spanglish. I made a really lame joke about how 'Phantom' should be heads because of the symbolism of the face and the mask, but Robin just gave me a wierd look as I bathed in shame. The dime Robin flipped was heads up, so we decided to watch Phantom. Although, the movie wasn't going to start for another couple of hours, so we went back to the main downtown area and RAN AMUCK.
We went to a couple of stores, one of which was Urban Outfitters where we looked at sex books, sat on over-sized chairs, and laughed at their printed shirts.
ROBIN KNOWS GOOD SEX!
We made our way down the street, went to a few more stores, saw a few friends, chatted, and headed back to Coldstone where I bought everyone ice cream. After that, we made our way into MOON ZOOM--a hippyish/trendy second-hand store. Here are some pictures that document our craziness:
I bought these glasses for 7 dollars. Simply pimpin'.
After we got tired of trying random costumes on, we headed back to the theatre where we took more pictures!
Alexis trying out the "pimp" look.
Robin re-inacting the Herabl Essences commercial in attempt to be sexy.
SEDUCING THE CAMERAWOMAN [me]
Robin's GUNS
Boo.... my sunglasses got cut off. *cries*
HAHA. It looks like aliens are trying to contact me through my glasses.
Rawr. ~_^
Whew. That's a lot of pictures (don't worry, there's more coming up.... huk huk). So yeah, after watching the movie, we walked/ran/skipped in the rain as I re-inacted some of the opera scenes. I saaaaaaaaaang and saaaaaaaaaaaang and made ears bleed.
From the theatre, I suggested we take a "short cut" through an alleyway so we could get out of the rain and back into Borders. My little "short cut" had a lock on it, bu we kept going into the dark alley where we found garbage dumps. Behind the dump, we saw a gate... which I thought led to the street... but when I opened it, it turned out that it was the entrance to some store. We saw a really creepy man in a one-piece garbage man outfit, so we SCREAMED our lungs off and ran away..... still screaming. And laughing. We somehow found the street where Borders was, but by that time, the storm had gotten worse and it kept raining as if God up in heaven is pissing on us. Thankfully, I wore jeans under my dress, since the wind kept blowing it up to my face.
Finally making it to Borders, we took even more pictures where we looked at MORE sex books and caused more mayhem than a group of wandering midget clowns. Hurrah!
The Three Muskateers exhausted from all the hot, dirty sex----er----I mean the violent wind and rain.
This was right when we entered Borders from the freak storm. I forgot what I was confused about...
I'M IN THE SEX BOOK DIET!
Why am I looking at an American Quilt calendar?
Robin looking away from the man from the background's dirty ass.
The pictures say it all. After that, we called out moms to pick us up. Borders closed before they could get here, so we waited outside... in the horrid rain.... AND TOOK MORE PICTURES! ahahahhahahahahahahaha.
Robin kept using me to block the wind away from her face. Stupid whore. Of course, Alexis did it too.
We're hiding from the wind. Shhhhhh! Don't tell him where we are! =O
The wind made us piss our pants.
Right before our rides got there, Alexis kept bothering Robin and I about jumping on the puddle with her. After a few minutes of her begging, I agreed to go with her. We ran, screaming, and JUMPED as high as we can on the huge puddle in the corner of the street. I then did my Native American rain dance and started singing, once again, and freaked out all of the sorrounding bums. Good times. Good mother fucking times.
